I don’t write as much as I want to at the moment.
And I find that quite annoying because I do enjoy writing – I enjoy blogging, I enjoy creative writing and that sort of thing – but I struggle to find time, I guess. It’s just really irritating for me because I do want to write – I just don’t actually write.
I have this problem where I’ll have time but no ideas, or ideas but no time. It’s pretty much always like that and I don’t quite know why it always happens to me. Like, I could sit for literally hours on end and tell myself that I’m going to write and just have no ideas whatsoever. I can look at prompts but often I struggle because then I start crafting this scene in my head – and it’s only a small part – but I can’t for the life of me get it down properly in words because it’s mostly just dialogue and images, and it’s so frustrating because I just don’t know what to do about it all.
It’s like I’m just in an almost constant state of writer’s block and I can’t escape. It’s really bad because I want to write and I want to have this sort of physical evidence of my thoughts and this just doesn’t happen when I want it to. It’s all well and good plotting in my head but if I can’t get it out then what good is it?
But then I find on those rare occasions when I do end up writing something I don’t like it, or I’ll start writing something and just leave it because I can’t think what should come next – like I mentioned earlier, I tend to be able to think of ‘scenes’ but nothing more than that. I have multiple notes on my phone full of ideas and prompts and tiny snippets of writing, but never full pieces of writing (save for a few terrible late-night poems).
It just frustrates me really because I do wish I could write better or just really sort myself out and find time for writing and actually get ideas. But then again even if I have an idea given to me, for example if I have to write something for school or whatever, I do still struggle to get properly on board with the idea. I find only certain ideas really ‘click’ with me and in order to write something I’m happy with I do really have to be involved with the idea it’s coming from. I guess I really struggle to find the motivation for ideas that I don’t think are ~absolutely brilliant~ because they just don’t interest me? People always say ‘write what you would want to read’ and I do think that’s good advice because it’s those times when I would want to read a story about a specific idea when I am most involved in writing, but I can never either find/ come up with ideas like that, or I can come up with a bit but not enough.
One thing that annoys me about myself is that I tend to get ideas at night
because my brain is so clever and only wakes up at around 9pm, but then I can’t work on them because by that time I tend to be trying to sleep because of school or something the next day. This is frustrating to think about because I know I’m getting these ideas (some of them are pretty decent) but by the time I can actually expand on them the idea has gone and I don’t know where I was going, despite writing down the basics or a little snippet. I find I have to work on an idea in the moment and really get everything set out and have a good basis there before I can leave and come back to it at a later time. Getting things down as soon as I think of them is so much easier than later on because things are fresh in my memory and I can write as I visualise which is much more convenient for me. I hate to admit it, but if I’m writing over a long period of time I really do just get bored of the idea and then I lose my motivation and we’re back to square one. That, or I’ll just end up telling myself that what I’ve written so far is terrible and there’s no point carrying on, or worse – that the idea has been done before and I’m literally just loosely copying the plot of That Book I Read That One Time.
I hate not being able to write because I enjoy writing and I don’t want it to become some deathly chore for me. I hate that I can have these ideas and construct things in my head but by the time I get to writing it all down it’s too late and reads less like a piece of fiction and more like just speaking with the odd few words in between (like a script? But with no stage directions or anything). And I’m just stuck in this sense of writer’s block that is inescapable.
I’m sorry this hasn’t been a particularly happy post, but it is just something that has been on my mind lately, especially with all this free time in my summer holidays from school. I guess it’s sort of an explanation for my severe lack of posting (there’s a good chance you won’t get another post for a while again now whoops), although it did more touch on the creative writing side of things.
So yeah, I’m a little annoyed with myself and my writing abilities (or lack thereof) at the moment. Thanks for reading!
xx Elly xx